Good morning all,
This week for whatever reason was really rough for everyone in the house. We all just haven't felt like ourselves. I have been feeling lost lately so when I got to work yesterday and decided to make a to do list. Not a pressured to do list. An "I have the energy and the heart to make a to do list so I'm going to make one". (This has been an hour by hour kind of week) So after writing the list and taking my anxiety med I continued with the rest of the hours in my day.
I am currently a first grade teacher and I absolutely love my job. I unfortunately have to leave my kiddos first week of April because the woman who I was covering for her maternity leave comes back that week. I was feeling devastated about that yesterday while I was watching them work. I just have grown to love em. I was also kind of freaking out about the idea that I would no longer be receiving a paycheck. Last summer I was able to get by on my savings from June 25th-Sept 9. I don't think I'll be able to starting from April. I don't even think I want to. I enjoy working. So, last night after school I decided to email some restaurants to see if they were hiring waitresses. If I am able to bag a full time position for September before summer starts, I am going to spend my early starting summer being 25. So far that includes moving in with my boyfriend, spending the days on LBI (dreamy <3) waitressing at night and going to as many country concerts as I can count. That is the plan. I do believe that idea can happen. But, I am also taking things one day at a time. I'm not good at change. Like at all. But, I want to learn to be at least comfortable with it. Maybe I'll add that to the to do list today.
I have talked about before that spark that I no longer have. Another goal of mine is to find that again. I really just feel like a candle that has been put out into the cold New Jersey sleet (not snow because apparently we don't get that here anymore ;) ) I know that is a ridiculous comparison, but it's the only thing I could think of at 5:30am and it's how I feel. So, still taking things hour by hour, currently minute by minute, I decided to wake up (after hitting snooze), brush my teeth, got my gym clothes out and ready and now I'm blogging. So far so good today. It is very hard to complete the things you want to complete when you physically do not care about getting them done. Mentally I do, which is why I have made my handy to do list. But, sometimes it's hard to get the brain and the body to match up. My heart is so broken and all of my wants and needs are dedicated to thinking about how much I miss my dad. I just want to see him again. That's all i want.
Wait...now that I bring that up I just remembered I had a dream last night...and he was in it...
This week for whatever reason was really rough for everyone in the house. We all just haven't felt like ourselves. I have been feeling lost lately so when I got to work yesterday and decided to make a to do list. Not a pressured to do list. An "I have the energy and the heart to make a to do list so I'm going to make one". (This has been an hour by hour kind of week) So after writing the list and taking my anxiety med I continued with the rest of the hours in my day.
I am currently a first grade teacher and I absolutely love my job. I unfortunately have to leave my kiddos first week of April because the woman who I was covering for her maternity leave comes back that week. I was feeling devastated about that yesterday while I was watching them work. I just have grown to love em. I was also kind of freaking out about the idea that I would no longer be receiving a paycheck. Last summer I was able to get by on my savings from June 25th-Sept 9. I don't think I'll be able to starting from April. I don't even think I want to. I enjoy working. So, last night after school I decided to email some restaurants to see if they were hiring waitresses. If I am able to bag a full time position for September before summer starts, I am going to spend my early starting summer being 25. So far that includes moving in with my boyfriend, spending the days on LBI (dreamy <3) waitressing at night and going to as many country concerts as I can count. That is the plan. I do believe that idea can happen. But, I am also taking things one day at a time. I'm not good at change. Like at all. But, I want to learn to be at least comfortable with it. Maybe I'll add that to the to do list today.
I have talked about before that spark that I no longer have. Another goal of mine is to find that again. I really just feel like a candle that has been put out into the cold New Jersey sleet (not snow because apparently we don't get that here anymore ;) ) I know that is a ridiculous comparison, but it's the only thing I could think of at 5:30am and it's how I feel. So, still taking things hour by hour, currently minute by minute, I decided to wake up (after hitting snooze), brush my teeth, got my gym clothes out and ready and now I'm blogging. So far so good today. It is very hard to complete the things you want to complete when you physically do not care about getting them done. Mentally I do, which is why I have made my handy to do list. But, sometimes it's hard to get the brain and the body to match up. My heart is so broken and all of my wants and needs are dedicated to thinking about how much I miss my dad. I just want to see him again. That's all i want.
Wait...now that I bring that up I just remembered I had a dream last night...and he was in it...